If American Idol wanted to find its Season 12 winner via personal ad, the copy would probably read something like this:
TOP-RATED REALITY SHOW ISO BIG-VOICED DIVA | Been dreaming for six years now about discovering America’s next great female artist — though not the “current” type that looks and sounds like she spontaneously sprouted from the dark, moist corner of a dumpster. (Sorry, wannabe Ke$has!) Turn-ons include girl-next-door charm, working-class backstories and the ability to crush a glory note like The Rock slamming his fist down on an empty Diet Coke can. Turn-offs include pale-skinned males who’ve ever plucked a guitar, bass, violin, eyebrow or even a chicken. In fact, if you’ve got a penis, go to The Voice. Go directly to The Voice. Do not pass the SwayBot pit and do not collect 200,000 text votes. Willingness to share our affections with 11 prior winners a must. Reply to LadiesLoveBritishNigel@aol.com.
And yet while The House That Kelly Clarkson Built continues the quest to find itself a new queen, the situation hasn’t gotten desperate enough for Fox to make Season 12 a ladies-only kinda party. To which I say thank goodness.
Oh, sure, the last five seasons of Idol have found me rooting for Carly Smithson, Allison Iraheta, Crystal Bowersox, Haley Reinhart/Pia Toscano and Skylar Laine, but would I really want my iPod to exist without the sounds of David Cook, Adam Lambert, Kris Allen, Joshua Ledet, Matt Giraud, Anoop Desai, Phillip Phillips, Michael Johns, Paul McDonald and Stefano Langone? (Don’t try to pretend “I’m on a Roll” isn’t one of your guilty pleasures, too.)
At the end of the day, Idol is all about giving power to the people, letting the American public overthrow the majaor-label cabal that gives us musical gruel like that will.i.am-Britney Spears duet and tries to convince us it’s chocolate mousse. So bring on the guys — all 20 of ‘em — and let them throw it down, I say! (And, hey, it’s not as if rootsy blues rocker Phillip Phillips, earnest country kid Scotty McCreery and pop-rock troubadour Kris Allen are really anything alike — aside from their Y chromosomes and pale complexions.)
Tonight’s two-hour Idol installment — which whittled the first 10 Season 12 men down to five (the remaining 10 will perform next Thursday and also be cut by half) — was weird and wonderful (and yet also totally confounding), with Nicki Minaj threatening to marry one contestant’s vibrato, make babies with another, and cradle a third male contestant in her arms (sibling-style).
Look, I understand that Idol is a TV show as much as it is a singing competition. I accept that successful musical artists need to have personality and personal charisma as much as they need to hit their notes. And I love that Nicki and Keith (and even Mariah and — heaven help me — Randy) were all able to articulate their myriad reasons for digging some singers while not responding to others tonight. I just get a little skittish when the cuteness of contestants’ faces or the adorkableness of their shtick starts trumping other folks who hands-down outsang ‘em, ya know what I mean?
Anyhow, let's cut to the set list for the second "sudden death" episode of Idol‘s 12th season — along with my letter grades for every performance:
Paul Jolley: Keith Urban’s "Tonight I Want to Cry" | Grade: B-
Johnny Keyser: Jason Mraz’s "I Won't Give Up" | Grade: B-
J’DA: Adele’s “Rumour Has It” | Grade: B-
Kevin Harris: Bryan Adams’ “(Everything I Do) I Do It for You” | Grade: B
Elijah Liu: Bruno Mars’ “Talking to the Moon” | Grade: C-
Chris Watson: Otis Redding’s "Sitting on the Dock of the Bay" | Grade: C+
Devin Velez: Beyoncé’s "Listen" | Grade: B+
Charlie Askew: Elton John’s “Rocket Man” | Grade: C-
Jimmy Smith: Radney Foster’s "Raining on Sunday" | Grade: C
Curtis Finch, Jr.: Luther Vandross’ version of “Superstar” | Grade: A-
¡RESULTS!
Put through to the Top 20 by the judges: Curtis, Elijah, Paul, Charlie, Devin
Eliminated by the judges: Jimmy, Kevin, JDA, Chris, Johnny
I’ll be back overnight to update this post with full reviews of every contestant — bookmark, refresh, and enjoy! — but until then, let me turn things over to you. What did you think of the first half of the American Idol Top 20 guys? What did you think of the judges' feedback in a live setting and how did you feel about their decisions? Who was your favorite? Did Kevin get robbed? Sound off in the comments, and for all my Idol-related news, recaps, interviews and videos, follow me on Twitter @MichaelSlezakTV!
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